


The Worst Reason

by ThatComicGirl52



Series: Monthly Oneshots [7]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Inspired by Tom king's current batman run, M/M, Monthly oneshot, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 14:35:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15121526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatComicGirl52/pseuds/ThatComicGirl52
Summary: Something’s wrong. I knew it the moment he told me he and Selina were going away together to one of his private islands for a long weekend. He’s never done that with a woman before. The only person Bruce has ever taken to one of his islands before is me.





	The Worst Reason

**Author's Note:**

> This is my monthly oneshot for July. Thank you so much to Do_The_Cool_Whip, who without her, this oneshot would not exist. This was the oneshot pairing that was voted for this previous month on my monthly oneshot poll. To find out how you can take part in my poll, and have access to more exciting things having to do with my fanfiction, check out my tumblr at thatcomicgirl52.tumblr.com.  
> This fic takes place in a different universe then my fanficiton, Million Reasons To Leave.

I pace back and forth in kitchen, too anxious to stay still. I'm worried. I’m afraid that something might have happened this past weekend, when Bruce went away with Selina. I’m almost positive that it did. I had seen him the Thursday before he left, and he seemed so...off, so distant. He had acted so aloof, like he didn't want anything to do with me.

  
I had tried to give him a hug goodbye, but he shrugged me off before I could, mumbling something about how he had to finish packing. It hurt me to see Bruce avoid my embrace like that. Bruce never turns down a chance to have me in his arms. He hasn't in years.

  
Something’s wrong. I knew it the moment he told me he and Selina were going away together to one of his private islands for a long weekend. He’s never done that with a woman before. The only person Bruce has ever taken to one of his islands before is me.

  
And he didn’t just take me as his lover, but even when I was just his ward. Spending weekends on an island together had always been like a special little secret between Bruce and I. It was our own little spot of heaven on earth. It was a place where we could truly be ourselves, love each other as we dearly desired, without being judged.

  
But now he's taken Selina there, and that changes everything. I think, I fear, that I've been replaced.

  
You see, with me things are complicated. The media would go down hard on Bruce, if they were to know about him and I. If people were to know about me and Bruce, it wouldn't look good. I was his ward, afterall. People thought of us as father and son. We never felt that way about each other, but the rest of the world doesn't know that.

  
They would never accept me and Bruce as a couple. Not because we’re both men, but because of our history. With Selina, Bruce doesn't have to worry about any of that.

  
Earlier this Sunday morning, Bruce had called Alfred from the island. He had told him that he and Selina had some big news, and he wanted to share it as soon as they got back. He told Alfred he wanted to tell me first though, away from Jason, Tim, and Damian. As soon as Alfred told me that, my heart sank. Any hope I had left of me and Bruce being together disappeared. I knew what the news was. It could only be one thing.

  
So here I am, pacing the kitchen so hard that I think I might be leaving a trail. Bruce and Selina should be home any minute now, and then they can tell me their news. Their big news that I'm dreading. Their big news that I'm going to have to act happy about, when really I’ll be devastated. But I can't let them know that. I can't let anyone know how heartbroken I'll be, especially not Bruce. Bruce can't know how much I truly love him. He can't know how much I've yearned and wished for him, even when I was a young boy.

  
I hear the front door opening, followed by the sound laughter. That's them; the happy couple. The perfect couple. The perfect couple that Bruce and I will never be.

  
I consider meeting them at the entrance, but I can't bring myself to do it. I close my eyes and tell myself that it's okay. It's okay that Bruce is moving on. I can move on too. It's not like Bruce is the only person out there for me. I have options. I know lots of women and men who would love to go out with me. Bruce isn't the only person I'll ever be in love with, right? Right?!

  
I thought I had prepared myself for this moment. I thought I was ready enough to face the devastation of hearing about Bruce's new engagement. But I was wrong, because when they walked into the kitchen, I could honestly feel my heart breaking. My chest actually hurt from the pain of it, and I had to force myself to smile. I had to remind myself to be cool, be casual about it. I couldn't let them see how much they were hurting me.

  
For a moment, it's like they don't even realize I'm there. They're too wrapped up in each other to notice the world around them. Their hands are clasped tight, their fingers intertwined. Bruce is looking down at Selina like...well, like he's never looked at me before. Selina sparkles like a jewel under his attention, her eyelashes batting and her cheeks red with laughter. It’s a strange sight, for sure, to see Selina so happy. In my own experience, she's usually a pretty dark and cynical person.

  
“Oh, Dick,” Bruce says in surprise, when he finally tears his gaze away from Selina long enough to notice me. I lean against the kitchen counter, my mouth pressed into a hard line. I can't bring myself to smile. I tried, but I just can’t. I throw him a wave. “I didn't notice you there.”

  
“That's funny. You usually notice everything,” I answer, trying not to sound too sarcastic. I glance over at Selina. “I guess you were distracted.”

  
“We have great news!” Selina says before Bruce has a chance to answer. She grins, wider than I've ever seen her smile before. Honestly, it feels like I've entered the twilight zone. One where Bruce and Selina are happy and bubbly. It’s not them being happy that bothers me. It’s what they’re so happy about.

  
Bruce clears his throat, looking awkward for just a moment. He quickly hides it behind a smile though.

  
“We wanted you to be the first to know. Selina and I had a long, serious conversation while we were away, and we've decided to-”

  
“We’re engaged,” Selina interrupts, and then sends Bruce an apologetic look. “You were taking too long.”

  
Even though I was pretty sure of what to expect, even though I thought I was ready to hear this, the pain and loss I feel in the moment is almost too much to bare. I can feel my heart thumping against my chest, reminding me that I'm still alive. But I don't feel alive. I feel dead. I feel frozen on the spot. I can't move, I can't think. I can only feel. I can only feel the despair washing over my body, drowning me. The life I had always imagined for Bruce and I, one that I've only ever let myself think about on rare occasions, crashes into thousands of pieces like glass.

  
It's over. Bruce and I are done. There's no turning back. And I'm standing here, trying to register that fact, while Bruce and Selina stare at me, waiting for a response. The problem is though, I don't even know how to respond.

  
Well, I guess I know how I should respond, but I don't know if I'm physically capable of it.

  
“That's, um, that's great…” I mumble, trying and failing to smile. Bruce watches me through worried eyes, able to see right through me. He doesn't believe my facade for a second. “Congratulations.”

  
There’s a long, torturous moment of silence.

  
“Thank you,” Selina says warily, because even she can see that's something wrong. Her eyes go from me, to Bruce, and back again. She's studying us, analyzing the situation. She lays a gentle hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “I'll leave you two to it.”

  
Bruce murmurs his thanks, Selina only nodding in acknowledgement before leaving the room. Bruce watches her leave. He turns back to me, preparing to speak, but then hesitating, as if unsure of his words. That doesn’t happen often with Bruce. I turn away from him, because I don't know what to say. Whatever I say or do now won't change the situation. Bruce is marrying Selina, and it doesn't matter how I feel about it. I might as well just grin and bare it.

  
“Dick-”

  
“Congratulations,” I interrupt before he has the chance to say another word, but then I remember that I already said that. But I don't want to hear his apologies and excuses. I don't want his pitying looks. I don't need that. “I'm sure you'll be very happy together.”

  
I feel like I'm reading from an instruction manual; “What To Say To Someone When They're Engaged”. I smile wide, but it doesn't feel right on my face. Too fake, too forced, too stiff.

  
“I'm happy for you,” I tell him, but Bruce clearly doesn’t believe me. He lets out a loud, exasperated sigh as he rubs his forehead. His expression is thoughtful as he takes a step toward me.

  
“Look, I know that things have always been...complicated between us,” he begins. I can't hold back from scoffing at that choice of words.

  
“Yep, that's one way to describe it.”

  
“And my feelings have always been very, well, uh, strong for you,” he goes on awkwardly, ignoring my comment. Bruce is so terrible at expressing how he feels. I can only imagine how he was when he proposed to Selina. Has he ever even told anyone that he loves them before? He hasn't with me, but maybe that's because he never loved me in the first place. Maybe Bruce never knew what it's like to be in love with someone until Selina.

  
“You don’t need to-”, I shake my head at him, closing my eyes and trying to compose my words. “You don’t need to explain yourself. I understand.”

  
Bruce watches me for a minute. Probably analyzing me, studying me to make sure I’m not lying. I never could tell a convincing lie to Bruce, because he doesn’t look reassured at all. If anything, he just looks more worried than he was before. His brows pull together in concern, his mouth dipping into a frown. He takes another step towards me. I take a step back.

  
“It’s just easier this way,” he explains. I bite my tongue, forcing myself to hold back from lashing out at him.

  
So that’s Bruce’s great reason for marrying Selina?! Because it’s easier? Is that really the only excuse he can come up with?!  
It makes me boil with anger just thinking about it. All my life, I’ve thought Bruce as strong, fearless, determined beyond compare. I was wrong though, wasn’t I? Bruce isn’t strong, fearless, or determined.

  
He’s just a coward.

  
I want to scream at him, hit him, tell him what a fool he’s being. You can’t marry someone just because it’s easy and simple. You have be braver than that, stronger than that. Love is scary, but in the end, it’s worth it. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. That’s what I want from love. Not this.

  
In the end, even though there’s a million things I want to say to Bruce, there’s only one thing I do say.

  
“I’m so ashamed of you.”

  
I don’t wait to hear his response. I can barely even stand to look at his torn up, shocked face. I just push past him and run up the stairs to my old bedroom. I slam the bedroom door closed behind me, feeling like a complete idiot. I instantly regret running to my bedroom at all, because it makes me feel like a child again. I should have just ran out of the Manor all together. I’m on the verge of crying, and I wipe at my eyes, willing myself not to. Bruce isn’t worth crying over.

 

  
*********************

 

  
I’m not there when Bruce tells Jason, Tim, And Damian. I don’t want to have to hear it all over again, although I’m sure it goes much differently with them then it did with me. They aren’t happy about the engagement either, but for a much more different reason then I am. I can hear them shouting from upstairs about how Bruce is insane for marrying a criminal. I can hear Damian call Selina a gold-digger, and I can hear Bruce defend her.

  
Overall, I think the whole thing went over as well as anyone expected.

  
I don’t stay in the Manor, choosing to go back to my small apartment in Bludhaven instead. It’s better this way, I tell myself. It’s better for me to keep my distance from Bruce. It will be easier for me to get over Bruce if I just don’t see him anymore.

  
But it hurts. It physically hurts to stay away from Bruce, to not see or talk to him. And it’s not like he’s trying to get in contact with me either. Maybe he knows that a little space between the two of us is for the best, or maybe he just doesn’t care about me anymore. Either way, it hurts like hell.

  
Months go by without a word from Bruce Wayne. Sure, I hear from Batman. Well, Nightwing does at least, but that’s different. When Batman calls Nightwing, it’s not to speak about personal matters. It’s about business, about the mission. It’s almost like talking to a different person entirely.

  
I’m almost surprised when the “Save The Date” shows up in my mailbox. I half expected the engagement to end before they even picked a date. The idea of Bruce and Selina getting married just seemed like an idea doomed to fail. Bruce and Selina are so much alike, and yet they live such different lives. Their backgrounds are so different.

  
I think about not going to the wedding, but that would be too transparent, wouldn’t it? And what would that say about me, as a person, if I didn’t attend? I love Bruce, and that means I want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me.

  
I tell myself I will attend the wedding. It will be my way of saying to Bruce that I’m okay with him marrying Selina. I accept the fact that they love each other, and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Because I do honestly believe that Bruce loves Selina, but I know that’s not the only reason he’s marrying her.

  
I don’t like the reasons Bruce is marrying her for, but I understand. Honestly, I do. I just always thought Bruce was better than that. Deep down, I always thought, always believed, that things would work out between me and Bruce. I always thought that one day we could be together, but I realize now that that was just a silly dream of a child.

  
And the terrible thing about dreaming is that at some point or another, you have to wake up.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
